Revising Writing

My Edited Piece of Writing

On Saturday I went to my Papa's, Aunts, and Uncles house going to Halloween. When I saw my Papa he was dressed up in a spooky zombie and I was dressed up as a purple bat. I was ready for Halloween. Me and my Papa were going around houses asking for lollies.

Once I went to a house that was very black and very spooky. My Papa got scared and I told him don’t worry it is just a house full of decorations.  There was spiderwebs, bats and witch decorations. I knocked on the door and out came a ghost man. The lady gave us sweet lollies. I said to them, I will go down to that house that wasn't spooky. It only had spiders and a black witch broom. I knocked on the door and out came a black witch. The lady gave us some chocolate. They also gave us a chocolate candy pumpkin.

When we stopped at Kings Road, I saw my friend Zara and her Dad Babu. They were going trick or treating for yummy treats too. Me and my Papa were walking to Zara. We asked her if we could come with you to get yummy treats. Zara said yes. When we stopped down at the cafe. we had a hot chocolate and a strawberry cupcake. We went back down to Coral Cress. We had to go to another house. For trick or treating we saw another house that was even scarier. I said happy trick or treating. Out came a spider that was a man. He gave us lollies and chocolates. It was fun on Halloween day. We had to go home. I said bye to my friend Zara. Then we went home and eat all the goodies.

Today I have been working with my partner Nyjah. Together we have edited this work because it doesn't make sense. We had to go over the writing because we have to change some words so it can make sense.